Rule #1: Read the rules. I made this rule #1 because it is the most important. Too many times Ive had to go to court to hear “How was my client supposed to know that the six year old girl following him home was actually a 9ft tall demon that was going to chop off his hand.”
Maybe you should have read the rules, and you’re lucky she wasn’t hungrier that day or she would have cut off a lot more. Just read the rules. They’re at the front of the shop for a reason
Rule #2: Never tell anyone your name. Even if they insist. I will never ask you your name. I will never tell you my name. Yes, I realize my store is called Jack’s magic shop. Jack is not my name, But if you must refer to me you can call me Jack or Mr. Jack.
Rule #3: Less of a rule. More of a disclaimer. Yes, We do have a “Genie”
Yes She will grant you anything you wish for, and yes it will 100% backfire
“Genies” aren’t real. She’s a demonic creature. An old one. No matter how witty and clever and creative you think you are, anything you thought of, she thought of a thousand years before you were even born. So fair warning, If you wished the girl you’ve had a crush on for ten years fell in love with you, don’t be surprised when you find yourself tied up and locked in her basement.
Rule #4: If a man with a briefcase walks in while you’re shopping, ignore him. He’s not important to the story. You don’t know what that means. You shouldn’t know what that means. If you do know what that means then I regret to inform you that the man with the briefcase doesn’t exist but you are in grave danger. I wish I could help more. I’m sorry.
Rule #5: If you get home and notice you accidentally took a doll you didn’t buy. Ask it a yes or no question. “Are you hungry” , “Are you evil”, “Are you secretly a demon in disguise” etc. If the doll doesn’t answer, return it to the store immediately. If the doll answers yes or no, stab it. Stab it until you’re sure it’s dead. Meaning if you ask yourself ” Is this dead” and your answer is “maybe”, it’s not dead enough. You may feel silly or stupid stabbing a doll repeatedly, but the thing that comes out of it if you don’t is much harder to kill.
Rule #6: If you enter the store and everyone’s head snaps to look at you with a creepy smile. Obviously you should walk back out. Obviously something bad will happen if you walk in. Walk out and walk back in. If the same thing happens again, just go home. It’s not worth it
Rule #7: No Singing. I will shoot you. That goes for sirens ,as well as human. Inversely, if you notice someone singing, slap them, or get them to stop anyway you can. Even if it’s your friend, boyfriend,or heck even your mom. Because I will shoot them. It wont be a fatal shot but it will hurt.
Rule #8: For people who walk home from this shop, if you see a six year old girl following you home, confront her and ask “Are you lost?” If she says yes, escort her to the police station. The police station is right around the corner in case you didn’t know. From the shop go to the right and take the first right and just keep going you’ll see it eventually. When you get there ask for Officer O’Brien
Then leave. The girl will be fine.
If when you ask her and she says no ,run to the police station. When you get close yell for Officer O’Brien. Hopefully he will save you in time.
Rule #9: Be kind to employees. Nothing bad will happen if you don’t but you will be kicked out. I guess that is bad but not as bad as some of the other things.
Rule #10: We have a potions testing range in the back. We have a lot of things, from flying to invisibility.However, potions are not to leave the store. Security will find you. Put bluntly, They don’t need potions to fly, and they don’t need to see you to know where you are
Rule#11: If I ever try to kill you, don’t hesitate to kill me first. It’s not really me. It’s a shapeshifter. I would never try to kill you. Emphasis on try
Thank you for reading these rules, and thank you for shopping at Jack’s magic shop. I hope you have a wonderful day.
- Jack
Tyrek's Writing 