Property of a Survivor

We’re stuck in this bunker for awhile. Apparently Tom saw a bunch of those “zombies ” walking around and we have to wait until they’re gone. We’re trying to get to the store close by, but the tunnel doesn’t go that way so we have to go above ground and then run back to the bunker. Tom doesn’t like the word, “Zombie”. He says we should call them “diseased”, because they didn’t die before turning. They look dead now though. Well anyway, we’ve been in this bunker for a little while and I’m getting bored so I decided to keep a journal. I only have a few writing supplies, but it’s not like anyone else uses them. Besides, there is probably more in the store. If we get there. If it were up to me we would pass by this one and find a different store. We aren’t low on supplies or anything, actually the bunker is pretty well stocked already ,but Tom’s the boss so we do whatever he says, and he says we shouldn’t pass up an opportunity to get more supplies. That’ll wait until tomorrow though, because he just fell asleep.
I’ve never actually kept a journal before. I’m not entirely sure what to write about. I guess it doesn’t matter. Now that I think about it, the only reason anyone else would be reading this journal is if I’m dead. Even still someone else would have to find the tunnels, which as far as I know are secret. I think they were used for smuggling but it might be a military thing. I have no idea. I guess I could write about what’s going on in the world right now, but if you’re reading this you probably already know. I can write about where I was when it happened.
It was a Sunday morning and I was feeling a bit under the weather. I think I ate something bad the day before, but anyway we were a church going family and so that’s where my family went while I stayed home. When they didn’t come back I knew something was wrong. So I went to the church. I saw the bodies. My only guess is that they got the “disease”. and then they were killed. Military, I think. The military was everywhere back then. That was at least 3 years ago though. It’s hard to keep track of time. I guess that’s my origin story. I didn’t find Tom until 6 months later when I had to run to the store to get food. Tom was in the store, and he offered to help. Tom never offers to help. I didn’t know that at the time though. I think Tom was military too.
The store is also where I met Carla. She was with Tom. Not to compare trauma but her origin story is a little darker than mine. Carla’s a lesbian. That’s not what makes her story dark, it’s just an important part of her backstory. And it’s the only thing I really know about her. Besides the fact that she used to be married. Or maybe she’s still married. I don’t know. She doesn’t talk about it much, but apparently her wife came back from the store and everything seemed normal until she started to become a zombie. Apparently there was a struggle before she killed her own wife. She still struggles with it sometimes, although it’s more of an emotional turmoil. I don’t pray much these days, I guess I blame God for what happened to my family. And why shouldn’t I? It is his fault after all. But I offered to pray for God to give Carla strength. She declined. Carla doesn’t believe in God. Or if she does she doesn’t like him very much. She probably blames him for making her kill her wife. And why shouldn’t she? It is his fault after all.
I guess if there’s a silver lining there it’s the fact that she never changed. She quarantined herself for a little bit, It wasn’t hard because the world was chaotic anyway, and when she didn’t change I guess she left and somehow found Tom. I don’t really know her whole story. She doesn’t talk much. I think she was the first of us to find Tom. There’s 5 of us now. I should sleep otherwise I’ll have to stay behind while they “shop”



We’re back from the store. There was nothing good there. It was to be expected. Most stores were ransacked within the first week. Most of the zombies were gone though. Tom and Carla killed the stragglers. I’ve never killed one. I’ve never killed anything, I don’t think I could. Tom and Carla have no trouble killing though. I think Tom was military and as for Carla, I guess if your first kill was your wife, the rest come easily enough. Maybe I’m just being too sensitive. In the end we’ll probably all have to kill someone to stay alive. I’m not looking forward to it.
I mentioned there were two other people with us. I’ll probably never mention them again. They’re just so annoying, I don’t really like talking about them. The only reason they’re with us is because they were there when we found the tunnel and Tom doesn’t want them to go run their mouths about it. Which was a legitimate concern because they run their mouths about everything. I think it was their house that we found the tunnel in and if that’s the case then they must have had quite a bit of money. Which was well for them because I can’t think of any other reason they could have survived as long as they have. They aren’t very bright. But before I go on, I realize I haven’t actually explained the tunnel or how we got here. I will do that, but give me a minute. Writing while walking is difficult. I’ve already run into two walls.



We found another bunker. This one comes up underneath another street. Most of them do. We haven’t actually been down here for that long. Probably 8 or 9 months. Before the tunnel it was just Tom, Carla and me. We found what we could and stayed in abandoned houses. Tom and Carla kept me safe, and I appreciated it. Although I think it’s worth pointing out that I survived the first 6 months alone. I was 15 then. I’m probably almost 18 now. In the old world I would have been worrying about college right now. No use dwelling on that though. I’m getting off topic. Tom, Carla and I squatted in abandoned houses for almost two years. Always moving. It was Tom’s motto. Always keep moving. Dory would say “Just keep swimming” . When I brought that up he looked at me like I was crazy. I guess he doesn’t know who Dory. Back to the topic. We kept moving and we saw a pretty big house and we thought that for sure there were supplies in it, so we broke in. Most houses are abandoned so we didn’t think it would be too much trouble. We walked through the house gathering supplies and stuff. It’s actually where I got the journal. I got it for Tom to use but he never used it, so now I’m using it. We found the twins huddled in a corner. I guess they hid when they heard us break in. They aren’t actually twins by the way. I don’t even know if they’re related. I think they lived in the house but I could be wrong. I don’t really care though. I don’t like talking to them. We found the bunker underneath a rug and from there we found the tunnel. As far as we can tell it’s basically a series of tunnels and bunkers. I have no idea how far they go, or who made them, or why. I suspect smugglers. Tom says it’s probably the military, but Tom thinks everything is the military. When we found the bunker we had the twins with us so Tom said they should come along. At the time I thought it was nice of him. It wasn’t until later I discovered he was really just scared of their big mouths and lack of survival instincts. That’s how we found the tunnel. Not super interesting, but at least you know where we are now. Today was a pretty quiet day which is good. For us at least. For you reading you probably wanted more excitement. It’s kinda funny. You, reading hoping for something to happen, and me, writing hoping for the exact opposite. If you’re reading this it must get good at some point though, because I’m dead now. Unless I just left it behind, but why would I do that. I hope I didn’t leave anything out of the story. I was half asleep while writing this. I should go fully to sleep now. You never know when excitement might find you.


We met a family today. The tunnel came up inside of their basement. They were confused about where we came from but they were very friendly. I think they were just happy to see other humans alive, even if they came from underground. We weren’t allowed to tell them about the tunnel. The less people the better Tom says. We gave them some of our food though. Most of the bunkers have plenty of food so we will be fine. We sat down for dinner with the family. It was a Mom, a Dad and a kid much younger than me. I wonder how old she was when it started. We kept moving after that. And I started writing. Overall I would say it’s been an exciting day. But good excitement this time. Plus I found more pens in the house and they let me take a few.

It’s been a while since I wrote anything down. Nothing much has happened. We ran into another mass of zombies but we just waited and killed the stragglers just like last time. Repetition is important. Here’s another reason they should be called zombies. Saying we killed a bunch of diseased people sounds way worse than we killed a bunch of zombies. Wait, one sort of exciting thing happened. We saw a tank. I guess the military is still around after all. They haven’t been killing zombies though so I have no idea what they’ve been up to. Not much excitement other than that though. Tom finally snapped at the twins. That was funny. He told them to shut up. They deserved it, they are really loud and annoying. Tom prefers quiet. That’s probably why he loves Carla. He’d never say but I know for sure that he loves Carla. And Carla loves him, though she would never say it either. They both prefer the quiet, and they prefer each other’s company over being alone. It makes sense. Before I came along it was just them.
And from being out there I know that the first few months were the worst. When I refer to the chaos, I’m referring to those first few months. Carla and Tom took the brunt of the chaos together though, and they survived together too. You can’t get much closer than that.

Tom and Carla went to a shopping mall. They’re looking for clean clothes, because the last house we found had people in it so we couldn’t take their clothes. Tom said to stay behind, so I did. I wish he took the twins too. Maybe they would fell down the stairs or something. That’s a bad thought. I don’t pray much these days but I pray that my soul isn’t corrupted by these bad thoughts. Is it wrong that I wish we could leave the twins behind? We don’t like them. We could just throw them at the zombies. They’re a liability to our safety and I know it would be mean but why can’t we just throw them to the wolves. Tom and Carla are too nice. I’m not though. I spent 6 months on my own, during the chaos, I don’t feel any sympathy for them. I know that’s awful, but it’s true. If it were up to me I would leave them behind. They would probably survive anyway. Cockroaches always survive.

Still waiting on Tom and Carla. I’ve been sitting here thinking though. It’s funny how long it takes for optimism to die. Even now I kinda expect for things to get better eventually. I won’t be running through tunnels for the rest of my life right? I guess I got too used to stories. In stories, the hero always saves the day. Things get bad but they always get better. Maybe there is a hero out there working on saving the day. It’s hard to know from underground. In my daydreams of the zombie apocalypse ( that sounds silly now, all things considered) I was always the hero. But I guess in my story Tom is the hero. Maybe there is no hero. Maybe things don’t have to get better. I guess reality doesn’t have to follow the same rules as stories. Things will just keep getting worse and we’ll just “Always keep moving” because that’s what we do.

Tom didn’t make it back. While Carla and Tom were coming back from the mall, they ran into a mass of zombies. Tom sent Carla ahead back to the tunnel and he stayed behind to hold them back. Carla says he’s going to be alright, and when we first met I might have believed her. I was a child then. Now I know better. Tom is dead. He knew they couldn’t both make it to the tunnel without letting in the “diseased” and he would never risk it. It’s possible he’s still alive, but he won’t make it back into the tunnel anytime soon and by the time he does we will be gone. It doesn’t look like we’ll be seeing Tom again. Before the chaos, I read a book called Slaughterhouse Five, and there was a phrase in it that stuck with me and probably applies here. So it goes. A resignation from a man who knows that nothing can be done. Tom is gone, probably forever. So it goes. Carla says we have to move. She’s the hero of the story now. I’ll send up a prayer for Tom just in case. He wouldn’t approve, but if anyone needs a prayer right now, it’s Tom.


It’s been a week since Tom… I don’t know what to say happened to him. I guess we left him. I don’t feel bad about it though. He would have wanted us to leave him. He’s most likely dead though. There were just too many infected. I started using the word infected because it sounds like diseased and sounds like Zombie at the same time. Carla has only made a few changes to our routine. One being that we only take supplies from bunkers and houses. No more stores or malls. She says, from what she saw, there are more infected than ever. I guess I always thought it would die down, but it’s only getting worse. So it goes. I’m using the phrase wrong. He actually only uses it when people die, but I find it fitting anyway. Carla is keeping a brave face. She has been all week. I can tell she’s devastated though. She didn’t want to leave him behind, but she knew it’s what had to be done. Still, Tom was her partner. Not bonded through romance though. Bonded by experience. They were closer than anyone before the chaos could have been. Because they had gone through the closest thing to hell anyone could have gone through, and came out together. I feel for her. I offered to pray for her strength but she refused again. I know she doesn’t need it, she’s strong on her own. I just wanted to show that I understand she’s in pain. I can tell she understands. Plus a little extra strength never hurts. She’s asleep right now. Sometimes she cries in her sleep, and although she wouldn’t approve I pray for her strength anyway. She means a lot to me too. For almost 3 years she has been a mother figure to me. She kept me alive as much as Tom did. She’s also much nicer than Tom. She’s easy to talk to, probably because she doesn’t say much. Maybe I see her as a mother because I lost my own. The twins are still here by the way. I would give updates on them but I don’t pay attention to them. If they even realize Tom is dead, it doesn’t show. It wouldn’t surprise me if they didn’t though. They really aren’t that bright.

Remember when I said, One day we would all have to kill to stay alive? Well my day came. I don’t know how the infection works but from what I gather it might take about 2 weeks for the infection to activate. How I gathered this is that yesterday, Carla changed. I don’t know what got her. Maybe she was bit by something, maybe just touching a wall with a paper cut is all it takes. It doesn’t really matter. There was a struggle. This time not between a woman and her wife, but between a man and a person who he had long since come to think of as a mother figure. God forgive me, I had no choice. I killed my own mother. I survived. It’s what I had to do. No matter how many times I say it’s what I had to do I can’t seem to make myself believe it. I killed her. I might have had a reason but I also had a choice. Carla would have said I was doing the right thing. That brings a little comfort. Tom would say “Always keep moving”, so I did. Without the twins. God forgive me, but I hope they get infected. Why did the two most useless people in our group survive, while the people I loved disappeared.




I’m sure they’ll just find the closest family that’s willing to take care of them, and blab there mouths the whole way there. The tunnel is officially compromised, but that’s ok. I’m leaving the tunnel anyway. At the beginning of this journal I said the only reason you’d be reading this is if I’m dead. That’s not true anymore. I’m leaving the journal behind. Without the tunnel for protection I’ll probably have far less free time. I don’t need any distractions. If it’s Tom who’s reading this and you made it back to the tunnel alive, I left the tunnel. I’m headed north. I don’t know what’s up there but I guess I’ll find out. If you’re infected, stay where you are. A 2 week quarantine is required to make sure. At least it was with Carla. Just know that if you change I’ll have to kill you too. I’m much better at it now. I guess when you’re first kill is your own mother, the rest come easily enough.
Just keep swimming. Suddenly that phrase is taking on a darker meaning. Just keep swimming, while everyone around you is eaten by the shark. There’s nothing you can do. Just move on, or you’ll die too. And as Billy Pilgrim would say, So it goes.