Guilt & Forgiveness

“So, what are you running from?”

I looked up at the older man ahead of me. He was helping me carry my luggage into the lighthouse where I would be living for the next 6 months

” What do you mean?”, I said

“People who take this job are always running from something, so what about you, what are you running from”, he said without turning around, but I could tell he was smiling.

“Oh, um, nothing. I’m not running from anything, I just saw a job opening and I went for it’

The old man laughed, “Let’s hope that’s true, the past tends to catch up to people in this place.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“The isolation really gets to people in this place. It’s best if you forgive yourself before walking in, because this place won’t do it for you” he said this while putting my stuff down,

“This is where you will be staying for the next 6 months,  you can decorate if you want, it’s your house” 

 He points to the other side of the room at a phone on the wall. “You won’t get much cell service out here so if you need to call anyone use that, My number is on there for emergencies. Kyle’s number is on there too. He will be your shopper. If you need anything, within reason, call him and he will get it, and if of course emergency services is on there as well”

I looked at the sign, and saw the name Mr. Abernathy. I assumed that was the old man’s name. I really should have known it at this point, but if he has told me it, I completely forgot it, and it felt wrong to ask.

“Come on, Alisa, I haven’t got all day”, Mr. Abernathy said from outside the room. I quickly followed after him. 

“This is the lantern room.” Mr. Abernathy waved his arm across the room. ” It’s where the big light comes from. You really don’t have to do anything in here. Just make sure the light goes on at 6pm sharp. It’s on a timer. Make sure to check it every now and then during the night. I recommend every two hours, but it really doesn’t matter. As long as the light stays on all night.”

He began to walk to the far wall of the room

“If for some reason the light is off when you check on it, hit this button. It kicks on the back up generator and it should last for the rest of the night,  Make sure to fill the generator back up in the morning though ” 

“What if the button doesn’t work?” I asked

“Call the coast guard and they’ll handle it”

“What will they do?”

“I don’t know, tell people it’s not safe to dock, or something. It’s really not the end of the world, just make sure to call me in the morning so I can fix it.” 

“Mr. Abernathy looked around the room, seeming satisfied he said. “That’s all the important stuff, You can figure out the rest. What you do with your time is up to you. As long as the light is on at 6pm”.

I walked Mr. Abernathy to the door in silence. 

I watched him get in a boat and head off.

It was going to be a long six months.

_________

The first thing I did was call Kyle. 

Kyle: Ms. Walker, how may I help you?

Me: You already know my name?

Kyle: Of course, I try to know every keepers name, Ms. Walker.

Me: You can call me Alisa, I’m just looking to get some general grocery stuff. I’m assuming there’s a kitchen, and a bathroom.

Kyle: There is. He didn’t show you them?

Me: No, he said I could “figure it out” 

Kyle laughed

Kyle: That sounds like him.

I gave Kyle a list of things I wanted. and when I was satisfied with the list Kyle said

Kyle: Alright, I’ll go get this stuff, it should get to you tomorrow morning

Me: Thank you

Kyle: You’re welcome, Ms. Walker.

_____________

The first few weeks were uneventful. I walked around the premises a dozen times, and found something new every time. It was weird having no contact with the outside world at first, but Kyle was nice enough to talk to. He would even hang out for a little bit sometimes. He helped me set up the Wi-Fi, and would sometimes stick around to play video games. I wasn’t much of a gamer before, but I’ve picked up a few new things. But then it happened for the first time. The phone rang.

Me: Hello?

Unknown: Hey, baby

Me: Isaiah?

Isaiah: That’s what my license says. 

Me: How did you… How did…

Isaiah: How did I get this number, My new position has its benefits.

Me: You can’t call me. You’re…. You’re

Isaiah: What? I’m What, Ali? WHAT AM I? ALISSA!!

A loud roar resounded on his side of the line.

I jumped back, dropping the phone in the process. When I picked it back up, the call had ended. 

         I sat on the ground in shock. He shouldn’t have been able to call me and yet he had. What was I supposed to do about it? In the end I decided to brush it off. It was just a phone call after all. He can’t hurt me through the phone.

Days went by before I had the next call. Again it was Isaiah and again he was screaming while the roaring surrounding his voice 

I tried to respond but he didn’t seem to hear me so I hung up.

After that day the phone calls were a regular occurrence, and eventually I just stopped answering. 

__________________

Kyle was running late. It was getting close to noon, and he was yet to show up with my groceries. He is usually very punctual so after an a few hours I decided to give him a call to see where he was at. As I reached for the phone it rang. Instinctively I flinched back and strangely enough the ringing stopped. I reached for it again and the ringing started anew. It was giving me a choice this time. If I wanted groceries I would have to answer eventually. As odd as that was. I wasn’t scared. I was angry. He was somehow holding me hostage through the phone, and I wasn’t having it. I answered the phone, through gritted teeth.

Me: STOP CALLING ME!

There was silence on the other end. Absolute silence. After I a moment of silence I decided it was stupid to listen to nothing so I started to put it back. But then I heard him.

Isaiah: I know what you did, I know what you did, I know what you did.

Me: Wh- What do you mean?

Isaiah: You know, I called you that night.. But your phone was off. Where were you Ali?

Me: I- I was working late, I couldn’t leave.

Isaiah:LIES, I know what you did,Ali. Where were you that night? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I DIED, ALI! WHERE WERE YOU?

I slammed the phone back onto the receiver, and ran out of the room. The phone rang behind me, but I ignored. I slammed the bathroom door open and frantically splashed water on my face. 

“Who’s Alex?”

My head shot up and where my face should have been, I saw Isaiah’s. It was charred, his whole body burnt beyond recognition. As if he could sense my shock, he took a step back and looked himself over. 

“Oh, this? Don’t worry about it, it didn’t kill me. It was the smoke that did it. I felt every agonizing second of being burned alive, but enough about me. What about you? Who’s Alex? “

 Isaiah reached through the mirror grabbing the sink on either side and pulling himself through as if it were nothing more than an open window.

” I don’t know what you’re – ” I began to say

“Don’t lie to me , Alisa. I know what you did already, there’s no point. Is Alex the reason your phone was off? The door was stuck, Alisa. I couldn’t get out. You knew that already though. The police would have told you that.”

” Please , go away” I muttered weakly, “Go away, you’re not real”

 Isaiah has finished pulling himself through the mirror and was now sitting on the sink. His face looked calm, sad even. When he spoke, it was with pain in his voice.

“Who was he? Is Alex the “work” you were doing? Is Alex the reason your phone was off?”

“Go away, you’re not real” still muttering.

“You don’t have to answer, Alisa. I already know what did.”

Isaiah hopped off the sink, and began to walk towards me. With every step forward, I took a step back until my back was against the wall.

“Alex … Alex is a guy from work” I stammered out. I wanted to reach for the door but I couldn’t. My body was completely paralyzed.

“It was a one time thing, I swear. And I didnt know about-“

“The fire” Isaiah said, right in front of me now. “If only you knew about the fire, you wouldn’t have gone with Alex. Is that it? It would have been okay, if only I hadn’t messed it up by dying”

“No , that’s not it. That’s not what I’m saying” I said, my eyes were shut tightly, but I could hear his ragged breath only inches away.

“Then what are you saying, Ali?”

“I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t know what to say! This was never supposed to happen, It was only one time” Frantically I reached towards the door, my eyes still shut. ” I thought it was harmless. No one was supposed to get hurt. It was one time!  One time!” I finally felt the doorknob and I pulled it hard. Running out of the bathroom, I ran right into Kyle knocking him over.

“Hey, what’s going on, you alright?”, Kyle said standing back up. I ran into my room, tears springing involuntarily from my eyes. 

“He wasn’t supposed to get hurt” I said through tears. 

Kyle walked in, and I told him everything. Then we sat in silence, for a long time.

” You know you didn’t kill him right. It was a freak accident. You couldn’t have saved him, even if you did answer the phone.” Kyle said quietly, 

“I know” I said weakly

Kyle: You have to forgive yourself, this place won’t do it for you