Tag Archives: psychology

       I would consider my life to be normal. I’m 35 years old. I work a normal office job. I’m married to a beautiful woman named Sam, and I have a 10 year old son, named Tommy. My life is normal in every way, except for one small detail. Tommy isn’t real.
      For the life of me, I can’t remember him even existing until a few days ago. I know that’s crazy. Tommy acts like a normal kid, Tommy’s room is fully furnished, his toys litter the floor. It makes no sense, but I just can’t shake the thought. Tommy isn’t real.
       “Brian?” Sam’s voice shook me from my thoughts, “You’re staring off into space again.”
        “Sorry, just lost in thought,” I said. I had been getting dressed before stopping. I quickly dressed, embarrassed
        “You’ve been zoning out a lot lately, are you feeling ok?” Samantha asked, her voice full of concern.
         “I’m feeling fine, I’ve just been thinking a lot I guess.” I said, in an attempt at humor.  
         “Ah, you’ll get used to it ,” Sam said with a smirk.  She was much funnier than I was.
          I turned to give Sam a smile, before ushering her to the door.
         “Don’t you have someplace to be?” I said in faux annoyance, fashioning on a smirk of my own.
         “Yes, and I’m going to be there awhile, so don’t forget to pick Tommy up from school.”, Sam said, with a pointed look.
         Tommy. I wondered briefly, what would happen if I didn’t pick him up. Would he disappear? He wasn’t my kid after all. He wasn’t even real, but no, that would be awful. Regardless of who the kid is, I can’t abandon him. Besides Sam would just pick him up after work and then I would be in trouble.
          “ Earth to Brian, hello?,” Sam said, waving a hand in front of my face. “ Maybe you need to see a doctor, this doesn’t seem normal”

           I waved it off, “I’m fine. I’ll pick up Tommy, I promise.”, I said, shooing her out the door. “You’re going to be late if you don’t go now”
          “You just can’t wait to get rid of me,” Sam said playfully, “Don’t forget Tommy”
         “I won’t forget, I promise”, I said with a smile.
           She smiled approvingly before walking to the car. Shutting the door behind her, I headed back into the house, determined.
        Technically I worked from home, but I got the feeling that I wouldn’t be working today. I needed proof that I wasn’t crazy. I needed to prove Tommy wasn’t real. I headed to Tommy’s room to find evidence.
Tommy’s room was a mess. There were toys on the floor, paper strewn about, and crayons scattered about. I bent down to pick a toy up. It was an action figure from some TV show that Tommy liked. I never really got into it but I remember the day I came home with the toy. He had been so excited about it. I still didn’t really get it, He was some sort of soldier holding a gun, it all seemed pretty generic to me.
He was my son though, so I bought the toy, because he liked the show. I remember how his face lit up upon seeing it. The kind of joy only a child could have. It was a wonderful feeling, and yet something just wasn’t right.
I didn’t buy that toy. In fact, I never bought anything in this room.  This room shouldn’t even exist, because Tommy shouldn’t exist. Yet it does and he does and I just can’t understand why. What does he want from me? Where are  these memories coming from? Maybe I’m the crazy one, maybe he’s always been here?
My phone buzzed in my pocket, waking me from my existential trance. The time on my phone read 1:30 pm. I had been standing in  the same spot all day. Maybe I was going crazy. The phone continued to buzz in my hand before I finally answered it.
“Is this Mr. Brian Dellinger?”, a female voice asked on the other end of the line.
“Yes, that’s me.”
“This is Andrea from Mandrake Grove Elementary. We are calling about your son Tommy. He got in a fight, and is being sent home for the day.”, the voice said.
     It took me a moment to realize that that meant she wanted me to come pick him up.  “Oh, ok I’m on my way”, I said before hanging up.

I guess I’m picking him up a little bit earlier than I thought. I headed to the car. Maybe it would be good to spend some time alone with him, Even if he was a new addition to the family, he was my son, and that meant I was going to have to get used to him. As I walked out to the car, I realized something. Sam had taken the car to work this morning. But it was still in the driveway.
As if to answer my unasked question, Sam rounded the vehicle holding a grocery bag. I guess I hadn’t noticed her.
“The school called, they said they wanted you to go pick him up.” Sam said, giving me a quick kiss, before walking inside.
“You were already in the car, why didn’t you pick him up?”I asked, confused.
“I offered to, but they said something about me not being an approved guardian or something, apparently they don’t just let the kids just go home with anyone.”, she said from the kitchen.
That made sense, I had enrolled him myself, and had myself and my mother down as approved guardians. Thinking back on it now, I’m not really sure why. “ Ok well. I’ll be back”, I called, before shutting the door finally. Before getting in the car.

Tommy was sitting in the principal’s office, when I got to the school. He had his head down, looking like he had been crying. The principal sat across from him, and she nodded for me to sit down as I came in.
“Hello Mr. Dellinger, we need to talk about Tommy.”, she said. Her tone was worrying, as if she was really saying “We need to talk about you”
“How can I help?” I asked, sitting down next to Tommy.
“Well, Tommy has been acting out recently, he’s been angry, and brash. He got in a fight today, and he’s usually such a pleasant child. We were hoping you might have some insight into what might be going on outside of school. Maybe it will help us understand his behavior.”
“Nothing has been going on that I know of,” I said, defensively. I know they were just trying to help Tommy, but it really felt like they were accusing me of something, and i didnt like it, “Maybe, it  would be best to ask his mother, she spends the most time with him.”
“Do you think maybe that’s the problem?” The principal asked accusingly.
“What are you implying?”, I asked, feeling the judgemental gaze of the principal burn into my forehead.
“I’m not implying anything, Mr. Dellinger. I’m saying maybe you need to spend more time parenting than doing whatever it is you do.”
The audacity of this woman, I thought as the anger bubbled up inside, I prepared to unleash a torrent of her, but was stopped when Tommy spoke.
“You’ve been acting weird, daddy”, Tommy said, a whimper in his voice. “ You keep staring at nothing, and you talk to yourself all day, and you don’t listen to me.” Tommy broke down crying, and I moved closer to put an arm around him
“I have been acting a little strange, I know. I’ll work on it, I promise.”, I picked Tommy up and headed to the door, ignoring the accusatory ire of the principal  as I walked out. I hadn’t even thought about how my behavior would have affected him. Maybe he was just as confused as I was, and my lack of empathy toward him probably wasn’t helping. I decided then that Tommy was going to be my top priority. As long as he was with me, he would be my kid, and I would take care of him.
I put him in the backseat of the car, and buckled him up before getting in the car myself. Tommy had stopped crying, and was now just staring ahead blankly. I pulled out of the parking lot and as I looked in the rearview mirror I saw him looking directly at me. I felt bad for the kid. If i woke up in a strange house, with a strange man I would be crying too.
“I’m sorry ive been acting so weird, I’ve just been… confused, I guess,” I said, trying to comfort him. “We’ll talk about it more at home though, Mommy is waiting for us.”
“Mommy doesn’t live with us anymore, daddy”, Tommy said in a sad voice, “She’s in heaven, remember?”
Needless to say I was taken aback by that statement, I literally just saw her at home, right before I picked him up.
“Don’t say that Tom. Sam is at home. I just saw her a moment ago,” I said, fear tinged my voice, unsure of my words.
“My mom’s name isn’t Sam, you keep talking to Sam, but she isn’t real daddy”, Tommy said, tears began to well up in his eyes again.
My mind began to race, what was he talking about. Sam was at home, I just saw her. He must be mistaken.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sam is waiting for us at home.” I said in what I thought was a reassuring voice. It didn’t work though, because the kid broke down again.
“SAM ISN’T REAL, DAD. SHE’S NOT REAL. STOP TALKING TO SAM.”. Tommy screamed at me, as he screamed it finally happened. I remembered Tommy.
I remembered bringing him home from the hospital, I remembered his first steps, his first word. I remembered his first day of school, his first report card, everything. I remembered his mother, Linda. I remembered her fight with cancer, and I remembered her death. I felt a twinge of pain as it all came back. There really was no denying it. Sam isn’t real.
“What are you talking about Brian, I’m right here”, a voice said from the passenger seat, I turned my head, and stared in disbelief, as I saw Sam sitting next to me. A wicked smile across her face.
The look of surprise on my face must have been obvious, because Tommy spoke from the backseat. “She’s here again, isn’t she?”
“No, you’re right Sam isn’t real” I lied to him.
“Then what were you looking at ?” Tommy asked.
“What were you looking at, Brian”  Sam mocked from beside me, her taunting grin still plastered across her face, I ignored her though.
“Nothing,” I lied again, “ Daddy isn’t feeling well, I’m going to drop you off at grandma’s house, ok?”
“Ok,” Tommy replied
“If only you had waited,” Sam said, her voice lilting as if singing a song, “I just needed a little more time”
“Time for what?”, I asked.
Tommy’s head shot toward, “She is here, you said she wasn’t”
“A little more time “, Sam giggled
“I’m sorry, I lied Tommy lied, but everything is going to be fine, I’m going to get rid of her,” Sam giggled again from the seat next to me,” Run inside and tell Grandma that i might be gone for awhile, I’m sorry to do this to you Tommy, and I’m sorry Ive been so strange, but I’m going to make it right I promise.”, I knew it was an empty promise, but my eyes pleaded with him to believe me.
“I love you, Daddy”, was all he said before hopping out of the car, and running inside.
“I love you too, Tommy,” I said to the empty chair behind me.
“I love you, Brian”, Sam said, laughing giddily as if that was the funniest thing anyone had ever said.

Sam giggled again from the passenger seat. She didn’t speak again, but her eyes followed me, the permanent smile, a freakish fixture on her horrible face. Her eyes bore into me as I drove quickly to the nearest hospital.
That’s where I am now. They did an x-ray and found what they said was some sort of parasite. They said I was lucky I had come in before it had done any real damage to my brain. They said that Linda’s death may have left my mind vulnerable to manipulation, and that the bug could sense it. They said that the hallucinations would fade over time, and I would go back to normal.
I dont understand any of it ,but even as I type this. I can still see her across the room. Her lips permanently parted in a sinister smile. Her eyes boring into my skull
“Just a little more time.”